Posts Tagged ‘Paul Stanley’

sladestToday I am giving Slade’s 1973 record ‘Sladest’ a thorough inspection – and damn it’s good. Actually it’s extraordinary ! What you are in fact all looking at folks – is the very first record I ever bought. See, me and the Cowboy used to spend many Saturday mornings as kids – perusing local school fetes, and it was on once such occasion, when I – at around 10 years old – shelled out around 50 cents for this guitar-charged classic. Suffice to say, when I got the wax home and spun it, I was addicted for life. The quality of hook-laden songs contained here is incredible – and I spent many hours as a kid – greedily drinking from the Slade well, whilst simultaneously reading over the booklet contained in this gatefold album.  Funnily enough, I have a distant memory of one of my sisters – (the one who let the side down when it came to rock cred) – mocking Dave Hill’s haircut. This misguided slur – made by someone who had dodgy albums by the likes of Bony M and Hall & Oates wedged in her K-tel Record Selector (not to mention sporting a do not unlike that of John Oates) – was most unwelcome. All hail Dave Hill – he has penned some of the most recognisable riffs of all time and is waaaaaay underrated. But where was I?  Oh yeah – just get a load of some of the tracks on Sladest: Cum on Feel the Noize, Look Wot You Dun, Gudbuy T’Jane, Skweeze Me Pleeze Me, Take Me Bak ‘Ome, Coz I Luv You, Get Down and Get With It, Mama Weer All Crazee Now. I mean, I know this was a Greatest Hits’ album, but sheesh – all tracks really are wonderful rock n roll songs, good time tunes, party tunes – a couple of them are bonafide anthems. No wonder that Slade were hugely influential on Simmons and Stanley from Kiss (not to mention helping themselves to the ‘Alive !’ title for their err live opus from 75 – Slade Alive ! was released three years earlier).  And as we would see some two decades later – Noel from Oasis would display his love of Slade through his music and songwriting.

In the 80’s – LA’s Quiet Riot would have massive success with a couple of Slade songs – main man Kevin Du Brow’s  vocals eerily like Noddy Holder. Not that I cared – I loved QR as much as Slade – and if you don’t own 1983’s Metal Health and 1984’s Condition Critical may the “Man With The Metal Mask” track you down. Fun fact: Quiet Riot form in 1973 – same year as ‘Sladest’ was issued. This record went to number one in both UK and here in Australia – and justifiably sat there for some time. Apart from Quiet Riot – I know of a couple of other bands to have tackled Slade tunage such as the aforementioned Oasis with Cum on Feel the Noize (which rivals the original) – and the horrendous Britny Fox who butchered ‘Goodbye T Jane’ back in 1988.

So there you have it folks – ‘Sladest’ – the first record I bought which ultimately has led me on an incredible rock n roll journey – which continues to this day. Go buy this and start your own   journey now !

Without a doubt – the BEST KISS album of all time, is quite possibly Paul Stanley’s ‘bootleg solo album from 2005.  From the man who penned such Dylan like lyrics as ‘You Make Me Rock Hard ‘, and ‘Uh All Night’  comes an album chock full of the man’s stage banter. Released in 2005, this  fan-made disc compiles 70 tracks worth of Stanley’s distinctive song introductions and on-stage banter. If it’s one thing KISS do well – its the cliche. Their music is cliched, their interviews are cliched, and of course, the on stage banter has more cliches than you can shake a stick at.  Just for you – ‘PEOPLE’. I said ‘ JUST FOR YOU PEOPLE!’ HERE IT IS – The best and only KISS album you really need. Get it here.  You can Google the artwork.

Just recently I re-read Cherie Currie’s bio, ‘Neon Angel’ and thoroughly enjoyed it. I was about to start reading Dee Snider’s ebook, when the cover of Bobbie Brown’s new kiss ‘n’ tell book caught my eye, as it would most red blooded males. Who says you can’t judge a book by its cover? Not in this instance anyway. The book is stacked with gossip and scandal, stories of sex, drugs and rock n roll – Hollywood style. For anyone who has fond memories of the late 80’s Hollywood hair metal scene – you may enjoy Brown’s recollections from that period. She was a little late on the scene though – following the path set by Tawny Kitaen and then, to a lesser extent, Susie Hatton. In fact, if you recall Poison’s ‘Fallen Angel’ video clip, where Hatton arrives in LA on a Greyhound Bus (no clichés there), gets into modelling, drugs and the decadence of the time – it could have almost been scripted for the real life Brown. A small town Southern girl from Louisiana, a Miss Teen winner who thought she’d try her luck in Hollywood in 1989 as a model. She was certainly the MTV video vixen – appearing in videos for Hurricane, Great White and famously, Warrant’s ‘Cherrie Pie’ – THE video that everyone remembers from that period right? It certainly made an impact and pissed her then girlfriend, I mean boyfriend Matthew Nelson off considerably. It had immediate impact. She was the video vixen that all the girls wanted to be – and all the guys wanted to nail. I remember seeing Kings Of The Sun once back then, and this video was played on the TV screen immediately before they came on stage. Everyone was glued to the screen. Yet like the hair metal scene, the blonde bombshell with the silicon boobs was soon gonna fall a long way. Unlike grunge though, which basically killed off the Hollywood Aqua net glam scene, it was drugs and a series of poor relationship choices that caused her to crash n burn (I’d be surprised if there wasn’t a tremendously original Sunset Strip poseur band by that name so go google it). You could argue that the pages are overfilled with a certain sameness – stories that revert between sex, drugs, sex, drugs, lousy relationships, sex, and drugs – and it could be considered to be somewhat shallow – but I doubt she ever intended to be a literary giant that would have her book disected by a weekly book club meeting. Yet if it’s juicy stories about rockers you want – then it’s a worthy read. There’s stories about Jani Lane, (who struggled to accept that there was no place for him in the shifting music landscape and battled his own personal demons), and Tommy Lee, (IMO – one of the most obnoxious scumbags of all time – with WAY over stated relevance), her nemesis and also silicon enhanced Pamela Anderson, Rod Stewart, Dave Navarro and plenty of others. She talks about parties with Kevin Costner, constantly being wasted on blow, how she thought the effeminate Paul Stanley was gay, and dalliances with the supposedly endowed Leonardo Di Caprio. At times it’s funny, at times it’s pitiful. How some have a moment in the sun and are on top of the world – and within a few short years it all slips through their fingers (or up their nose). The astute ones recognise their time is fleeting and squirrel some $ away – others don’t. I do have some degree of pity for Jani Lane, and the way his life turned out. He comes across as quite a pathetic, naive figure in many ways ie: splitting song writing royalties with all band members, his ‘friends’ – even though he wrote all the material – He drowned his demons with alcohol. She doesnt declare the incident he had been hiding for many years that was one of the root causes for his alcoholism – probably due to litigation threats. For what it is – this is her life story, and in spite of whatever else she has achieved in her life – she will always, most famously, be remembered as the ‘Cherry Pie’ girl. 5 out of 10.

DSC00430 copy

Finally – Mr Rockbrat finds the key to unlock Kiss’ ‘Asylum’

I was driving down the road doing 95 miles per hour recently, whilst streaming a Kiss radio station – as you do – broadcasting outta Greece no less (and before any Kiss zombie thinks ‘why is he listening to Kiss, when he is AWOL ? Fact is, obedient  Kiss-drone – that I still enjoy listening to the songs of the time when they were the ‘real deal ‘eg 73-79 – you geddit ? and seeing as how I know the back-catalogue, well, backwards – at least up to ‘Psycho Circus’ – it is good harmless fun). Lo and behold something recent was aired which I did not know – and I all but drove off the road  – it  musta been off ‘Monster’ and my god-it was hideous – filled with the absurd, rhyming clichés of which only the fat-winged, bass-playing tycoon could come up  with. Hilarious ! Don’t ask me the title either as researching it woulda meant devoting precious time to Kiss which is something I no longer do (apart from  scrutinising their back-catalogue – Ed). Anyway, as I was laughing out loud I thought ‘man, Simmons has written some stinkers over the years’ – and as I imagined  him in his castle – at his desk – surrounded by his gold records, with milk, cookies and thesuarus at the ready, I zeroed in on the ultra-weak ‘Asylum’ album (and primarily the sub-standard and cliche-ridden songs which he offered up at the time). You know folks the proof really is in the Kiss pudding – and it’s high time someone had a serious look back at this recording ! But first some vital facts – I indeed queued up and purchased this vinyl record (and cassette) the day it was released..late in 1985..and I loved it ! Put it on the Rockbrat Sanyo stereo when i got home I did, which is where it stayed for weeks and weeks. I was in Kiss heaven.Thing is, I never really questioned the material back then – it was Kiss, so it ruled, and that was that. Times have changed.  Apart from some blazing,  well-written Stanley-penned classics, I look back and shake my head at the thing. Hands up if  you play this album whilst running your hand over your Kiss albums ? Fess up Kiss-oids.

Thinking back – the band were really building up momentum in the mid 80’s….Lick It Up was  a solid – no-paint offering, followed up by the well received ‘Animalize’ (not surprisingly it was Stanley’s great songs which pulled it through) – and then, just when it was time to release a massive – non-makeup album…they relaese a record which sounds rushed and – dare I say it – as if not all team members  were giving their all. Klein….see me after school. How selfish of Simmons to think he could juggle an acting career, management company et al, whilst writing and producing other bands – AND also squeezing in time for Kiss ! That was not fair on the fans – and we deserved better … Shame on you. Some of the bass parts on this recording were even laid down by Paul and Jean Beavouir – (and to think Genie once stated that Frehley was not a team player). Anyway, this is pretty much a Paul Stanley solo album is it not ? Let’s open the box kids and take a look !

Opening track: ‘King Of The Mountain’  ? Great. Eric Carr’s thunderous drums were an amazing way to start the album. Song kicks major ass too – with some sizzling guitar work via Bruce Kulick, who co-wrote this with the Eisenite and Desmond Child. Actually, if Kulick had a ‘signature’ sounding solo style in his Kiss days, it is on this track. Second track in and surprise surprise, a B-Grade offering from Simmons. Plod plod plod, the tune begins with standard HM riffing and goes nowhere – no hook or chorus – and very un-memorable – except of course for Simmons retarded lyrics…are you sitting down folks ?…’I know you wanna cross the border and you know the doctor’s orders Well it’s better late than never, can’t stay innocent forever’. A genuine literary giant was at work here folks… but wait – there’s also ‘Why settle for seconds when you can have the best, So let me be your king bee, I want your hornets nest’ – it’s hip to quote Spinal Tap, so now seems like the right time – …treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry. Indeed.

kiss_asylum

Kiss compete for most garish stage costume – Liberace just out of shot (photographer unknown)

‘Who Wants to Be Lonely’ is next up and you know something ? it’s simply brilliant – I loved it back in the day and it sounds superb in 2013 – aging very well indeed. this is one of Paul’s better vocals moments – shame he can’t sing like this anymore. Slotting Stanley’s well-crafted songs next to Simmons’ cliche-ridden demo’s only highlights how far apart the two Kissers were/are when it comes to penning memorable rock n roll songs. You can quote me on that. Like night and day. Case in point is Gene’s dreadful  ‘Trial By Fire’ –  lots of lyrics about rolling dices and tons of ‘oh yeahs’ – kinda ironic that he sings ‘Can’t listen to nobody else You just got to believe in yourself ‘, when in all reality Paul really shoulda said to him in the studio at that time  – ‘the songs you are offering up for this record are shit !’ Side A ended with ‘I’m Alive’ – not one of Paul Stanley’s better moments – too many  Kulick dive-bombs and annoying guitar wankery. I scratch my head when I think that astounding Stanley songs like Sword and Stone have never been officially released and could replace bran muffins like this track – which actually sounds like something he penned whilst writing ‘Under The Gun’ the year before. The song however, does includes some of Paul’s most heart-felt lyrics in ‘don’t need no doctor puttin’ me to bed – give me the nurse and I’ll make sure that she’s fed’ P-lease. Time to flip the vinyl kids.

Fortunately, there are only two Simmons songs  – but unfortunately, one of them kicks off Side B. Yes Kiss-guru, I am aware that  the tune
‘Love’s a Deadly Weapon’ had been around for some time, apparently as an ‘Elder’ demo from 1981. So can I surmise from this, that he only had old demo tapes to offer ? Simmons really brought nothing of any quality to the studio for Asylum did he, apart from a bag of shit (his big fat book of clichéd songs). This song is average hard rock at best – something you’d find on any faceless metal band’s album of that era –  and it is laced with more of Kulick’s annoying widdly widdly, fast-fisted antics. Horrendous stuff.  Yet once again, Paul Stanley’s Tears Are Falling – the album’s first single – saves the day. One of the best thing Eisen ever wrote. An out an out rock n roll classic .  The final Simmons stonker is ‘Secretly Cruel” . How can someone be ‘secretly cruel’ anyway ? What exactly does this nonsensical phrase actually mean ? This is without a doubt one of Kiss’ most woeful recordings. Plod plod zzzzz – it’s about as interesting as watching golf on TV – and as for his immature lyrics – these are some of his most cringe-worthy: ‘I saw my pictures hangin’ on her wall  She cut it out of that magazine It was a hot day she wore lingerie  And nothin’  else in between’. Huh ? In between ? Since when do women wear apparel under lingerie ?! Rhyming ‘between’ and ‘magazine’ – good effort there Shakespeare – it makes no  sense, but if it rhymes, who the hell cares ? It gets better – ‘She had long hair and thigh high, snake-skin boots, And she was all over me like a cheap suit’. Vomit. His half-arsed  contributions to Kiss at this time can be seen in his lyrical efforts from Asylum. Want more ? ”Then she bared herself, and stripped my soul, Began to shake, rattle, and  roll, Then I took control’ – of course you did – you big-wigged stud. ‘She began to shake rattle and roll ?’ What, she put some Bill Haley on the turntable ? huh ??? The most embarrassing  lyrics are at the end – with ‘Well she grabbed my hair(!)  and I began to rise, I could  tell what she wanted by that look in her eyes –  I said, “Come here babe and make it quick” She said, “Not so fast” and had a drink’.  Woeful. What was he thinking ? Maybe a studio prankster hid some hash in his cookies ? A baby gibbon could conjure up something better than this uninspired crap. ‘Simple Simon met a pieman going to the fair’ – yet I digress.

‘Radar For Love is another unnecessary filler and if I wanted some Led Zep-inspired tunage  I’d go play Great White or Kingdom Come and not this. Hard listening. Track ten “Uh! All Night” is musically fine – but lyrically absurd…..on a song which would’ve had the good Reverand Gilstrom shaking his head – ‘gonna drive my long steel missile, down on your love channel – deep deep you’ll beg for more, raising hell and serpent score, feel me feel me’. Fun-nee. Rock n roll / sex lyrics are often non-sensical, but what was Stanley meaning – something about  ‘well there’s just one thing that money can’t buy ?’ All Charlot the Harlot asked for was 15 quid. Right ? Whatever. Kulick’s solo is a ripper by the way.

And there we have it. A (former) Kiss fan who finally is speaking the truth about Kiss’ Asylum album. In all honesty,  I would give this record 4 out of 10, if only for the Stanley-written numbers, and that is being really generous. What do you devoted Kissers think ? C’mon, be honest now ? One thing I have always found amazing about Kiss fans (and I was one of them).. is that they are so loyal, so accepting…. even if some of the bands’ material is substandard, like here on Asylum. Why is that ? Surely Kiss are not above criticism. Right ?  Right ? I am not going to mention the fashion sense of the band during this time period either. Cos, you could write a whole book on that subject ! 1985 was a long time ago – a lifetime ago, but it’s easy to see why kids were attracted to albums like Metallica’s  ‘Ride the Lightning’ over this crap… that’s not fair is it. Mr Rockbrat only speaketh the truth. Gene Simmons has written some anthems over the years and is a fine songwriter – however, the 1980’s were not some of his better years, lyrically at least. He also produced rubbish on 1984’s Animalize (Burn Bitch Burn, Lonely Is the Hunter, While the City Sleeps, Murder in High-Heels, and continued his run of sub-standard  fillers on the album which followed Asylum, Crazy Nights (“No, No, No”   “Hell or High Water”  Good Girl Gone Bad”). But I have gone on record as saying that it wasn’t until I first heard the track ‘Betrayed’ from 1989’s Hot In The Shade that I knew Gene Simmons was ‘back’, and I stand by my comment. Most of you would agree with me. I personally think he reached his creative peak as a (non-make-up era) songwriter on Revenge. As for Asylum – it sure has it’s moments, both good (Paul) and bad (Gene) but let me end the review with a question. If this was indeed Kiss’  first ever recording, do you seriously think they’d still be around today? Answer =  ‘No, No, No’ !

pic1

hang onto your wigs – we’re doing a ‘live’ video

Some facts – I owned this thing back in the day. The day – as in 1985. Can I say that ? I wonder how that rates in this world of ‘Kiss cool’  where, it is how old you were when you got into Kiss, which gives you the serious cred amongst your fellow Kissers…you know what I am talking about here – the ones who fudge the truth a little (the Cowboy wrote about it recently and you hear it now and again on Kiss podcasts) “I got into Kiss in 1975 when I was five years old” Sure you did. Most children that age are still content to play with cars, crayons and horses, yet it would seem some supercool kinderbrats – (back in 1975 at least), had their ears to the ground   and were dissected the Dressed To Kill album. P-lease. So what if you got into Kiss in 1988 ? Where’s the shame ? Ahhh I get it, gotta look the goods amongst the older (and no doubt wiser) Kiss fans/disciples  who jumped on board the Kiss train in the 70’s …..but Mr Rockbrat digresses.  This fondness for the make-up era attracted a large part of the Kiss audience in the 80’s, be in no doubt about that. As a Kiss droid, I recall seeing an advert for this in a copy of Circus magazine and all but peed my pants. Apart from a seldom-seen VHS copy of the Kiss film venture ‘Attack of The Phantoms’, there was nothing ‘officially’ released to slam into our family’s video player. So when I bought this, I was indeed – in heavy metal heaven. Last night, I decided to re-watch this show – step into my DeLorean as it were – the date set to 8th December 1984 and the place – Detroit’s Cobo Hall. Ponder this – only the year before – Kiss were still recognisable head turners – stomping around in platform boots and face-paint on the Creatures of the Night Tour. Flash forward a mere three months later and they play their first ‘unmasked’ show – in Lisbon, of all places. The capital city of Portugal, rich in culture and history/kisstory – and setting for the very first Kiss show without the costumes. That tour was in support of the Lick It Up record, followed by the Animalize platter…which brings us back to winter in Michigan in 1984. Kiss were – though I couldn’t see it back then – let me use the ‘F’ word – faceless. Just another hard rock band out on the road trying to get bums on seats. As you will have gathered – laughter (piss taking) is something Mr Rockbrat takes great delight in, especially with New York’s finest – and there is plenty to scoff at here:
Spinal Tap was released in March of 84. If $immons saw it, he was surely dozing through it and missed the joke. Though I bet Stanley didn’t get the joke. Serious business the one he’s in.  reckon that around this time period, only Krokus, Quiet Riot and Pretty Maids (along with Biff and pals in Saxon of course) rivalled Kiss in the field of looking ridiculous. I’ll get to the frivolity in a moment, but first, let’s go over the set list:

pic5

It ain’t a crime to be good to yourself…

pic7

Kiss my ass – indeed !

‘Detroit Rock City’ was the obvious opener, but the Frehley-penned  “Cold Gin” at second song was not. It remained in the set for years and I ain’t really sure why as it was never a stand-out. I couldve done without  “Smell The Glo…err I mean “Fits Like a Glove” and also ‘Under The Gun’ from the record they were touring. As for airing b-grade HM fodder like Young and Wasted ? Unnecessary – especially when you think about the amazing back catalogue of tunes they got to choose (ahem) from. oh that’s the old Kiss, I geddit. The excruciating I Still Love You is like watching paint dry and by continually including it in the Kiss set year after year, indicates that an egomaniac (with a purple aura) was at work. Black Diamond is one of my favourite Kiss tunes and it is great here, unlike the tiresome ‘Love Gun’  or their anthemic set-closer, which I will not name as I am sick to death of it. Simmons used to have that annoying way of singing it too – veering from the original recording with his own – “we’ll drive you (pause) cray…..zeh”. Overall a fairly weak set, though back in the day I wore out the tape. It ruled man – or unreal – as we used to say (that’s late 70’s speak for ‘fully sick’). Little did I know, as we all didn’t, that some of the audio was apparently touched up in the studio. More Kiss trickery from wizards Gene and Paul. Still, when you’d faked Alive! and Alive 2, what did it matter anymore ? According to some sources, some  (if not all) of Stanley’s vocals were overdubbed for a cleaner audio sound. Is it any wonder with all the dancing and prancing he used to carry on with back then ? He can barely stand still at the mike. Actually his dancing is fucking ridiculous and at times he resembles an epileptic string puppet. He is constantly kicking and prancing and it is damn hysterical. No one takes themselves more serious than the Eisenite. The Cat (in his excellent new book) mentions that Paul would strangely grab his own ass on stage at different times – like tonight. Check the Starchild out when, during his long-winded Love Gun intro, he actually turns his backs to the audience and fakes making out !? Like Ralph Malph used to do on Happy Days sometimes. Bizarre. Maybe he was lost without his black star and diamond vest ? His bass playing buddy sure as hell was. $immons must be the least athletic guy in town so him performing those high kicks is a riot. Shame he didn’t fall on his ass and dislodge that dead cat he was wearing. Bruce Kulick was competent but had the stage presence of an oak tree….amd his solo’s have no feeling…compare the solo in Black Diamond to Frehley’s (actually no one will ever fill Ace’s boots or match his sound). Eric Carr – as always gave his all….even during an unneccesary drum solo – nothing against Carr, I am just against drum solo’s full stop. As for solo’s, could Paul Stanley get away (ahem again) with a guitar solo ? I mean, really ? Yes, he was far more competent in 84 than 74, but since when do rhythm players get a solo ? I will not even mention Gene’s (are they leather diapers he is wearing ?) boring bass solo. A bass solo !? Billy Sheehan ? Sure. Stanley Clarke. uh-huh. Gene Klein ? No way….and he needs the accompaniment of the former Fox to come to his rescue. Should I mention the women’s underwear ? I mean really – there is so much of it draping the mike’s and guitar necks that they could’ve opened a lingerie shop. Ladies and Gentleman, Spinal Tap. Note that at one point Stanley tells the crowd ‘this place looks like a damn zoo’. Yet when it came to that tour’s stage threads,  the band in fact are wearing more leopard and tiger print garb than the big cats at the nearby Detroit Zoo (which is an improvement on the spandex and knee pads from the previous tour). Yes, Kiss Sherlock , I am aware Animalize had animal skins on the jacket sleeve…. Looking back this performance is good at best. I was fond of this line-up – they were together for a few years, but looking back – the charisma just ain’t there. Criss, Frehley and the 70’s peak were a looming shadow, and long since passed. Kiss had morphed into a faceless heavy metal act – a stereotypical HM band cranking it out for largely male dominated audiences.. In 85 I dug it, but now I can see through olderize. It is fun to watch, though I could not get through all of it. Before any Kiss drones get all flustered about my thoughts – don’t take it all to heart. After all, they’re just another rock n roll band. Merry kissmas folks.

Credit: Ben Pruchnie/Getty Images Europe

Hang onto your wigs folks – this price tag is gonna hurt ! Credit: Ben Pruchnie/Getty Images Europe

Clever Australian comedian Norman Gunston – (when interviewing then KISS manager Bill Aucoin on the 1980 tour) cheekily asked if the band wrapped the price receipt inside the package when KISS merch was sold. Amusing and not that far off the mark.  Just when you thought it was safe to smash open your KISS piggy bank and count your hard-earned coinage, bankers $immons and Stanley are laying in wait with the tempting and weighty new KISS Monster book.  Launched recently in the UK, this 4 foot book is yet another example of a band sadly out of touch with what their fans want. Were fans really crying out for an item like this ? I mean, didn’t Kisstory 1 and 2 said all there was to be said ? So what are the contents of this latest piece of KISS ingenuity ? According to the press release  ‘a larger-than-life journey through 40 years of KISS, the greatest rock band in history!’. Greater than the Beatles or Stones ? Yeah right. Who the hell wants to see pictures of the two  imposters ? ‘It’s an investment’ reads the press spiel. No, that would be putting your cash into a high interest bank account. ‘Each book individually numbered and signed by the band !’ zzzzzz. Back in the mid-80’s you could start your own crappy Kiss fanzine and had easy access to Gene and Paul, but that all changed in 1996 when they became superheroes again). Limited edition flag designs – choose yours now ! (sorry only ten countries available) – if you are a Kenyan or kiwi Kiss drone I am afraid you miss out….buy if you live in Norway and Russia you get a flag cover….but Spain does not ? Have Kiss ever toured the USSR ? Another bizarre decision from the brain of the tycoon toad bassist. “Three feet tall and two and half feet wide! As tall as a guitar!” screams the headline ! Talking about Spinal Tap. Ridiculous. Where the hell do you store something like this ? Guess you won’t be reading  it on the bus ride to the office. Speaking of $immons, he has delved into his rich bag (ahem) of cliche’s to offer the accompanying quote “WHEN THEY SAY SIZE DON’T MATTER, THEY’RE LYING!” . His tired and worn-out one-liners are about as fresh-sounding as Kiss songs ‘Love Gun’ or ‘Shout It Out Loud’. I feel genuine pity for him nowadays. Thinking of buying one of these books ? Oh yes the price. How does a whopping US $4250 grab you ? Postage kindly included!  Words fail me. Personally, I can live without this and would be far happier spinning ‘Alive !’ and looking through the enclosed booklet from that.

oh and I don’t want to say I told ya so, but I can only say that if their upcoming new album Monster, is anything like the first single  ‘Hell or Hallelujah’ which was average at best, then Mr Rockbrat’s well-applauded prophecy – that this tired old gaggle of glam grandfathers should retire in 2012, will be accurate !

First off, let me say that as an ex-Kiss addict – a band I gave 25 years to, I am very much qualified to give my opinion on why I think Kiss should retire in 2012. Many devoted Kiss fans are not going to like what I write and will not agree with me. That’s fine I accept that. However I would like to ask even the most loyal of Kiss fans to momentarily pull your heads out from the Kiss sand (can you buy Kiss sand ?) and look at the facts I am presenting to you in this article. If only for a moment, put your strong feelings to one side, digest this article and then look seriously at the band in late 2011 – and indeed their future. The conclusion you draw may very well be the same as mine.

Recently I wrote a very lengthy post detailing my former life as a Kiss fan – and my view on them today. A friend alerted me to the fact that my article had even generated debate on some Kiss fan forums, which I of course read with much interest. What I concluded was – (apart from some narrow-minded Kissers getting all offended, missing the point and resorting to immature, childlike insults) was that many fans, although still loyal, also lost interest after the ‘farewell’ tour of a decade ago. This is not at all surprising. Can I go so far as to say that I am confident, that if the official Kiss web site had a genuine ‘voters poll’ asking fans if it was time for the band to ‘call it quits’, the results would be alarming.

billboard for final farewell show in Australia – am I seeing Criss or Singer tonight ?

The decision to keep the band going is a perplexing one. But when casting an eye over their long career, there are actually many decisions Kiss have made which have left me baffled. Decisions which, only they can explain. Hands up if you remember them getting drummer Eric Carr to unnecessarily re-record ‘Beth’ back in 1988 ?! Or what about them re-doing the cover art for the iconic Creatures Of The Night album, three years after its release ?! Or when band members Carr and Bruce Kulick were supposedly ‘air brushed’ onto the cover art of the ‘Exposed’ video ! Or the time a lawyered-up Simmons and Stanley crashed a fan-ran Kiss convention in the mid-90’s to retrieve some authentic stage costumes. Man that was tactless. I could continue (and yes I will look at the stage personas of both Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer) however the decision which outdoes any other, is the choice to continue on after the ‘Farewell’ Tour of 2000/2001.

As stated in my aforementioned article, it really is time for Kiss to retire. With a new album ‘Monster’ due soon, and ensuing lengthy tour to follow, 2012 – which marks the 40th year of existence for the band – really is an ideal year to end it all.

Ten years ago just passed Kiss performed their Farewell Tour. The final date was in fact in Australia – April 13th, 2001 at Carrara Stadium on the Gold Coast. Apparently after the Australian leg, there were to be a further five (final) shows in NYC at Madison Square Garden. Those dates were cancelled. Did anyone note the strange co-incidence that Ace Frehley’s two final live concerts in paint were both in the Oceania region ? New Zealand (1980) and Australia (2001) yet I digress. Before this lengthy tour had even reached Japan and Australia, all was not well in the Kiss camp. You see Peter Criss had been replaced by former Kiss drummer Eric Singer – cat paint and all ! I had a ticket for the Sydney show and was left quite disillusioned at this fiasco. Eric Singer is a great musician but he is not, and never will be – the silver-nosed tom cat (I cannot state this strongly enough). Former members Eric ‘The Fox’ Carr and Vinnie ‘The Egyptian Warrior’ Vincent both assumed new personas and so should’ve Singer. Maybe then was the time to finally retrieve that infamous ‘Hawk’ costume from the ‘Kiss warehouse’!

pucker up for the ‘last kiss’ folks !

Yes folks hindsight is indeed a funny thing, but let us digest some quotes from both Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley taken from that ‘farewell tour’ time period:

Simmons said: “There are no ifs ands or buts, we’re not doing this again” and also
“it’ll be one last time and then we’ll be gone – for good.”

Stanley said: “I’d rather quit when people say ‘why are you quitting ?’ than when they say ‘why aren’t you quitting ?’ and also “I think it would be a real cheap shot if we say it’s farewell, then come back for another tour”.

Yet some months after the final pieces of confetti had fallen, 2002 comes along and guess what ? Plans are now underway to bizarrely put the Kiss machine back on the road ! Confused ? Me too. A farewell means goodbye, so long, sayonara, the end…or so I thought. Talk about the cheap shot to end all cheap shots !!

What exactly do you think was the real inspiration behind continuing forward ? To come out from ‘retirement’ as it were – and how did it occur ? Was it as simple as Gene phoning Paul and saying ‘hey y’know what, I think we made a mistake’ or was it something else entirely ? Was it a hungry desire to produce a new studio album ? I doubt it. Sales of the big 1998 ‘re-union’ album Psycho Circus (which I loved) were – although initially solid (certified gold by the RIAA in late 1998) did not go on to re-write any record books. According to Soundscan, by February of 2007 the album had sold 479,000 copies. Now most rock bands would be very content to ship nearly half a million units, but when that band is as iconic as Kiss and it takes nearly a decade to reach that figure, well – I’ll let you be the judge. In all honesty (if you exclude the devotees), the mainstream public couldn’t have given a toss about the Psycho Circus album – and it could’ve been the Village People putting out a new record for all they cared.

uh – huh

So why then ? Could it have been that Stanley and Simmons realised they would both miss playing live – and indeed the rush of the unique Kiss stage experience which they had created ? This is also unlikely as they’d been on the road a lot in the preceding five years – back in the paint in fact since the summer of 1996. If anything, at around 50 years of age, the pair of them would be entitled to feeling somewhat road weary. Was it the lure of the almighty dollar ? Simmons has long been mesmerized by money and seems to have a thirst which is never quenched. This reason could be the most likely, as many die-hard fans have fat piggy banks and are more than happy to smash ’em open and take the funds straight to the Kiss Central Bank. Or had Simmons latched onto the fact that album sales in the music biz would soon be plummeting and that a band could really only make the bucks by being on the road – selling tickets and merch ? This is also a possibility. However in 2011, Stanley – when rejecting a possible re-union (re-re-union ??) with Frehley and Criss said “The word that comes up is ‘closure.’ We had a good time that deteriorated over time. When we did the farewell tour I realized I didn’t want to say farewell to KISS, I wanted to say farewell to two of the members”. Sure, take another shot at Ace and Peter – yet unfortunately Paul – those two members, and only those two members, are half of Kiss. The real Kiss.

Whatever the reason, the Kiss almanac will show that in the year of 2003 a ‘new’ Kiss was born. I wonder how Simmons and Stanley could look front row fans squarely in the eye on that first night – the first night back from ‘retirement’ which happened to be in Melbourne, Australia. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth when bands, sports stars etc announce a retirement – only to continue on a short time later. After thousands of well-meaning fans have purchased tons of ‘farewell’ merchandise mind you ! Bizarrely, original drummer Peter Criss, was now back in the band for the 2003 run of shows and Ace Frehley’s big moon boots were being filled by ex-Kiss roadie Tommy Thayer. Giving Criss another shot behind the drum kit is at odds with Stanley’s recent 2011 comment, but ‘contradictions’ and ‘Kiss’ often go hand in hand.

Note: Kiss were back in Australia yet again ! Too funny. We could never entice them to tour down under in the 80’s – our pleas went unheard, yet now it seemed we could not keep them away ! And in what can only be deemed an exercise in overkill, they would return yet again in 2004. Oh yeah ! Oh no !

If you quickly do the math and take a look at the overall crowd figures for the Farewell Tour of 2000/2001 and the 2003 ‘fresh out of retirement’ aka ‘World Domination’ Tour – the statistics are as expected. The Farewell Tour figures are mostly impressive. But take into account that sentimental goodbyes are like that. Fans get swept up in the emotion, wishing to savour the moment for one final time. Kiss spent over one year on the road with 142 shows performed. Many concerts sold-out but not all. An indication that some fans were fast becoming weary with the (now 5th year) re-union and the incessant touring was noticeable – with some pitifully small crowd figures. Merriweather Post Pavilion in Columbia drew 4,369 in a venue holding 15,274 (28%). Even a Kiss stronghold like Chicago could not draw punters: The New World Music Theatre was eerily empty with a crowd figure of 6,771 in a venue holding a whopping 30,000 (22%) !!! Maybe they shoulda booked a club ! However there was no squabbling for seats at Devore’s Hyundai Pavilion where 13,807 Kiss fans crammed themselves into the 65,000 capacity arena (21% of tickets sold) ! Statistics do not lie and these particular figures are embarrassing.Mathematics never sat well with Mr Rockbrat but on average, the 2003 crowd figures are somewhat lower – yet what did Kiss expect ? If you do not believe me – Wikipedia has the attendance listings and you are welcome to grab your Kiss Kalculator and get busy. I acknowledge that they did not play as many dates as on the Farewell Tour, but nevertheless – the stats tell a tale. I will boldly state that they only reached these numbers indicated, as the band went out on the road with the legendary Aerosmith (for many of these dates) on a ‘co-headlining’ tour. Yes folks – the World Domination Tour ! Maybe Gene shoulda checked his Kiss Globe because technically speaking, apart from the one Aussie and four Japanese dates, the remaining 60 odd shows were inside North America – not exactly dominating the world there, but if it’s good enough for a ‘World Series’ baseball tournament to be held inside the USA – well it’s good enough for Kiss ! Oh and just for the record, the great Peter Criss performed his final Kiss concert on 20th December 2003 at the Save Mart Center in Fresno, California. Thanks for the memories Pete.

In 2004 the revitalized Kiss surged on ! Only now Gene and Paul had not renewed their ol’ pal Peter Criss’ contract and Eric Singer was back on the drum stool. Still with me ? For the uninitiated, Kiss were now Stanley, Simmons, Thayer and Singer – and what do the ‘new Kiss’ do next ?! Why another tour of the USA of course ! This was indicative of a band out of ideas. Sure the American live circuit is vast, but it’s not like the U.S fans were being starved of Kiss ! It was now eight years since the re-union tour and Kiss were, in my opinion over-exposed, over-toured and becoming quite dull. Like 1979 all over again, the market was now flooded with Kiss merchandise and large parts of the American public were tiring of Kiss. If you require any evidence of a lack in popularity – the subsequent ‘Rock The Nation’ Tour of 2004 was a flop (grossing $20.3 million in 58 shows) with poor ticket sales in America making them cancel another tour scheduled for the following year. Duh. This should’ve come as no surprise to anyone except maybe Simmons. Hey Gene, it’s called ‘over saturating the market’ friend. You should try switching ‘monetary’ in your vast vocabulary for ‘monotony’. Because this is what your band has been for quite some time.

So let’s take a further look into Kiss nowadays. They are of course still led by Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley. Tonight though, as mentioned previously – playing the role of Ace Frehley is former Kiss road manager Tommy Thayer. On the drums, looking and sounding all cat-like is Peter Criss impostor Eric Singer. As stated, since 2004 this line-up of Singer, Thayer, Simmons and Stanley have been the ‘new Kiss’. They have continued to tour and tour and tour. This line-up even released a new studio album called Sonic Boom in 2009, which – (although purchased by hordes of obedient Kiss fanatics) achieved only moderate sales figures. The album finished 2009 with 238,000 units sold, however the single ‘Modern Day Delilah’ stalled at #50 on the US charts before making a subdued exit. The year before this, Kiss re-recorded several classic songs for the Jigoku-Retsuden compilation album. This pointless exercise is further evidence of a band out of ideas. If they thought the Singer-Thayer line-up could freshen up tired old tunes like Shout It Out Loud, Love Gun, I Love It Loud and Rock and Roll All Nite – they were sadly mistaken.

Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer

The issue of Tommy Thayer taking on the role of Ace ‘The Spaceman’ Frehley and Eric Singer transforming into Peter ‘The Catman’ Criss, will always be a controversial move amongst some Kiss fanatics. I consider it an insult – an insult to the ‘Kiss’ I once knew and loved. I firmly believe that those iconic characters should have been preserved – and indeed the only individuals who should ever step into those roles were the two people who created them: Frehley and Criss.

The Spaceman and Demon. Right ? No. Actually a mid-90’s pic of Tommy Thayer and bass player Spiro Papadatos in their tribute band days (photographer unknown)

I personally have nothing against Singer and Thayer. They are both fine musicians who’ve been on my rock n roll radar since the mid-80’s. Thayer was in 80’s outfit Black n Blue and his connection with Kiss stretches back to 1985 when ‘the bruisers’ supported Kiss on the ‘Asylum’ tour. I purchased their self-titled album back at that time on the strength of the ‘Hold On To 18’ track because it rocked. It still does. Simmons also produced some of their albums. In what could be a page torn directly from the Rock Star film script, Thayer even played the role of Ace Frehley in the Kiss tribute band Cold Gin. He had also been working as part of the Kiss organization for some years. Right place, right time. Looking back, he was an ideal fit for Frehley’s silvery cape – though I will never be able to swallow this decision. Calling him ‘The Spaceman’ – and Singer ‘The Catman’ is wrong. Again, those personas belong to Ace and Peter. End of argument. To preserve the integrity of the band they really should have given new identities to both Singer and Thayer. Why didn’t Vinnie Vincent take on Frehley’s persona in 1982 ? The same reason Eric Carr, in 1980 – never slipped into the cat suit, that’s why. In the past couple of years, Thayer has been performing the tune ‘Shock Me’ (Ace’s signature tune) on the live tours – complete with guitar solo. Is nothing sacred with Kiss anymore ? I guess not. This is something which is totally unacceptable. Thayer is only following orders, but making his live vocal debut, on the very song Ace made his vocal debut on in 1977 is something I find offensive, shameless and one of the low points of their career. Why not shoot rockets from your guitar neck as well ? Sure enough, this is copied too. For heaven’s sake where are the new ideas ?! The fact that an average teenager can walk into a Kiss show in recent years – completely unaware – and ‘think’ they are seeing Ace Frehley and Peter Criss up there is dishonest. Is it fraud ? Not sure – but I will label it ‘clever deception’. But you see it isn’t people like me or the die-hards who are being caught out. Again, it is the casual or curious fan – some who (although being able to identify the four iconic faces) are totally oblivious that it’s Thayer and Singer on all the images, up on that stage, in the videos and worst of all – on some of the merchandise packaging.

Kiss Merchandise

Many Kiss fans say they ‘just love the music’. That’s cool, though unfortunately – with this band, the music andthe merchandise go hand in hand. When you consider that the merchandising of Kiss got out of control in the late 70’s – something which in fact alienated many fans

I’m…gonna brush my teeth all nite…etc

clever deception – ‘Ace’ Thayer

and which the band have admitted did hurt them, it is ridiculous and ironic that it’s gotten way out of hand once again. Since 1996 – the sheer volume of items released is staggering. A self-congratulatory Simmons recently stated that there have been 3,000 licensed products released. Good for you Genie. The toy guitar, AM radio, record player, dolls and make-up kits in the 1970’s were cool (and relative), the Bally Pinball truly amazing – but the Kiss Kasket or the Kiss Urn ? Gimme a break ! Will it ever end ? I doubt it. Some years ago I joked that you would one day be able to buy a Gene Simmons ‘tongue’ and sure enough, you now can. About as far removed from rock n roll as you can get – not to mention just plain silly. Simmons himself would read my comment and say ‘this person does not get it’. You know what ? He is right. I do not ‘get it’ nor do I want to. Can it get any more absurd you ask ? Yes. Later this year the ‘Kiss golf course’ is opening in Las Vegas. ‘Hey Dad, kick off your Kiss slippers, turn off the Kiss TV, put your uneaten Kiss M&Ms in the Kiss refrigerator and throw your Kiss golf clubs into your Kiss car, cos we’re hitting the Kiss mini-golf course !’L for ludicrous. What’s next ? How’s about Kiss Airlines ? Kiss Hamburger Restaurants (got to be beef I’m afraid as the acronym for ‘Kiss Fried Chicken’ would never fly!), Kiss Auto Centres ? (have your car serviced whilst you relax in the Kiss Lounge, browsing the Kiss Kar Accessories – whilst sipping some ‘complimentary’ Kiss Koffee and absorbing the Kiss music being played over the PA (available for purchase of course). I can see the day when some busy malls around the globe will have a ‘Kiss store’ and stock nothing but Kiss items. But why stop there ?! Kiss Airlines, a Kiss hotel chain, Kiss Kola, how’s about

will this silliness ever end ?

Kiss Currency (like Disney dollars – legal tender in any Kiss store) ?! If Simmons could somehow plunge a ‘Kiss Army’ flag into the moon’s surface you can bet he would. Remember folks, Kiss are a rock brand – and no longer a rock band. In the past Paul Stanley has hinted that he doesn’t approve of the incessant merchandising, yet remains quiet on the matter. Why make noise when those royalty cheques keep rolling in right ?
Simmons – during a recent interview on Absolute Classic Rock stated, “I want the next generation of kids starting at three years old to say, ‘Mommy, I want KISS’.”Kontemplate that folks ! Oh and the irony of both Simmons and Stanley endorsing ‘Kiss wigs’ is not lost on me either.

to the unknowing this is Peter Criss. Does this add up to fraud ?

Do I care if Simmons is a shrewd, successful businessman who could sell Kiss Ice to Kisskimo’s ? No. Half your luck brother. But it is all so far removed from the Kiss which I grew up with, the Kiss which I – and thousands like me – treasured. Thatis the point. They could endorse dog shit for all I care, but I will never agree with it – nor do I have to buy any of it. I’d sure like to see the stats on just how many long time fans have become disillusioned with the band because of all this ‘merchandising madness’ ?

The real issue I have with the merchandise is the trickery or ‘clever deception’ which Kiss/Simmons deploy. Using Thayer’s and Singer’s images on assorted items alongside the ‘Catman’ and ‘Spaceman’ phrases is blurring the line of honesty. I assume Simmons and the Kiss Company own the rights to those phrases so legally, they can dress anyone up in those designs but again – this is deceitful – and it is wrong.

Paul Stanley

With a string of recent health issues – the question many fans ask is – at 59 years of ages – Paul Stanley still up to the physical demands of a Kiss show ? I acknowledge that he has looked after his body for many years, but he is not super human and he now has health issues. For legions of the faithful, it is not easy to accept that their ice cool, ruby-lipped singing and dancing Starchild is indeed greying and middle-aged, but them be the facts. When you get older you often experience health issues. He is no different from anyone else. He has had hip surgery and he has also quite recently undergone vocal chord surgery. This was sorely needed cos in recent times his voice on some nights sounds powerless – and he has long had trouble reaching some of the higher notes. This not a swipe at Paul; he was my rock n roll hero and is one of the greatest frontmen ever. But there comes a time when you must face the facts.

Of major concern is when – on the 27th July, 2007 before a Kiss show at California’s Soboba Casino Arena, Stanley was hospitalised with a rapid heartbeat. The attending paramedics even stated an IV which momentarily stopped his heart in order to get it back into a normal pattern. This is a major health scare ! At odds with his publicity-hungry, long time Kiss co-hort, Stanley in recent times has stayed out of the public spotlight, preferring to paint and work on his solo material. His album ‘Live To Win’ from 2007 was terrific and I enjoyed the show which I saw on that tour immensely. But did the mainstream public catch on ? Did anyone care ? Well according to Soundscan – in the USA the album sold 16,821 copies in the first week of release, followed by a paltry 6,262 the week after. It entered the charts at #53 before falling to #155 and then bowing out. These sales figures are alarming and I would have expected someone of Stanley’s stature to have shipped more units. Should sales figures be taken into account when stacked up against his band’s popularity ? Possibly not – though it says plenty about the demographic of new Kiss fans – many of whom that are content to embrace one or two albums or songs from the band’s past – yet show little interest in the efforts of individual band members.

Gene Simmons

out and out ridiculous

The bass playing brains-unit behind the Kiss empire is now 62 years old. He has lived a non-smoking, non-drinking lifestyle but at that age, how long can he keep up with the physical demands of a Kiss show – sweating it out on long tours ? It cannot go on forever. Also, do you think his numerous business ventures and television exploits have had a positive or negative effect on the band ? Two thumbs down my friends. What a shame he just could not have been content with being a member of the greatest rock n roll band in the world. He pined for attention in the 80’s (remember when MTV were apparently ignoring Kiss) and now he has sadly become so overexposed it is harming Kiss. Simmons used to scoff that ‘no one is bigger than this band’. Pot – kettle. To prove he is not as savvy as he would like to have you believe, he released a solo-album in 2004 appropriately titled ‘Asshole’ – which sunk faster than the Hindenburg. When you are wealthy and have no-one to keep your ego in check, you do whatever the hell you want. As sweet as it was to have his son, daughter, girlfriend – and even her mother sing on his record – the album bombed badly. No one was listening. It was a sign that Simmons is often out of touch – and not everything he touches turns to gold. Further evidence comes in the form of his short-lived Tongue (a men’s ‘lifestyle’ magazine) which was discontinued after a meagre five issues.

His reality TV show – which I personally find extremely uninteresting – (and is mainly viewed by Kiss-drones hoping to catch a glimpse of the band) has again, damaged the Kiss name he helped to build. Who the hell wants to see him undertake a face-lift ? Who cares if a middle-aged millionaire is having relationship issues ? Not me. It’s a shame you did not have your ego removed when you went under the knife.

In 2002 he conducted an interview on National Public Radio with respected journalist Terri Gross – and did himself no favours. This (now legendary) interview is enthralling listening and let me be clear – for all of his self-absorbed and sexist bravado, Simmons comes off sounding like an ass. I have listened to this interview many times and it always amazes me. The highly intelligent Gross is no dippy MTV reporter so it’s possible Gene felt a little intimidated. Really though, it was an ideal opportunity for Simmons to display his intellect and to share his vast knowledge on non-musical subjects to a whole new demographic. Alas, it was an opportunity he did not seize – preferring, predictably – to talk about his ‘tally’ and his cod-piece. Don’t bother trying to hear it on the NPR web site as Simmons did not grant them the required legal permission to make his interview available. Who can blame him.

Despite being tolerated by most and adored by many, his arrogance does not sit well with all people. Last year, hackers brought down his website and I believe it has been re-attacked since then. I do not agree nor approve of that action, yet it should come as no surprise. Who is Gene Simmons nowadays anyway ? I realised that I have lost sight of the person I once idolised – a person who at one time held some importance to me. I often wonder, due to the trappings of wealth and fame – if he wonders the same thing – though I severely doubt it. He is no longer the fiery, bass-playing bat winged demon who once adorned my bedroom walls. Rather, when I hear his name now I picture a middle-aged, arrogant, opinionated tycoon. Rather than endear himself to the public, his giant sized ego and at times unsympathetic attitude has led to many folks now despising him. He would not care. In the Ace Frehley book ‘No Regrets’ he mentions Simmons has no real friends. This is not a personal slur – but a very interesting observation. I could head down the ‘money does not buy you happiness’ road here, but I do not have to. I will re-state; if only he had been content with being a member of Kiss…….if only.

Points to consider:

Are Kiss attracting new fans ? Or is it safe to say that the majority of new fans have been introduced to the band by parents or relatives who were themselvesfans ? Is it fair to say that probably half of the Kiss live crowd nowadays are casual fans; the ones who like to play dress-ups, take in the fireworks and bombs, and are no doubt familiar with Rock n Roll All Nite and Shout It Out Loud. I reckon so. This is the kind of fan Kiss will always lure in. The one who has a passing interest and cannot pick Thayer from Frehley and Singer from Criss. Listen closely to any live bootleg during recent years and hear the ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhhs’ from the crowd after a loud explosion ! Funny. These folks would be better off saving their cash and heading for a free 4th July fireworks display instead. To support this, I can remember chatting to a work-colleague in 2008 who was telling me he was ‘off to see Kiss in Sydney’. Not unveiling my past identity I asked him if he was a fan ? Predictably he threw out his un

gotta keep your gin cold right ?

sightly tongue and quipped ‘Nah I just wanna see big Gene’ and walked off. This dunce is an accurate example of who Kiss have become and a large majority of their fan base.

Kiss are a business. Many fans never contemplate this. Ruthless decisions are made to ensure the business remains profitable – and this is one very successful business. Apart from Stanley and Simmons, members have long been hired and sign contracts as members of Kiss. I was devastated to learn that the much loved Eric Carr was never a ‘full member’ of the band. The nicest and sweetest guy in the world was a contracted employee ! Criss and Frehley also signed contracts and were pretty much told what to do on the big 1996/97 re-union tour. I still have to pinch myself to believe that the re-union did occur and that – our dreams had come true ! The original four guys back together as one unit. A happy family. If only that were true. To be fair to Stanley and Simmons, they had kept the band going in the 80’s when Frehley and Criss were both battling their individual demons. But be that as it may, the controlling power which Simmons (and Stanley ?) allegedly wielded in that studio for the Psycho Circus recording ? Who would put up with that ? Also digest the fact that Criss and Frehley barely played on that album ! Simmons should’ve let bygones be bygones. From what I understand, it sounds like he was quick to dismiss many of Peter’s ideas. It should’ve been the four of them locked in the studio, creating and recording. Alas it wasn’t to be. In a 2004 interview with Eddie Trunk, Peter Criss claimed that many of the same old problems re-surfaced during the recording of this album. A ‘controlling’ issue. How petty. The reality is if the re-union and Psycho Circus album had’ve been a genuinefour-parts involvement from all the band members, then AWOL fans like be would still be in the ranks. I enjoyed the album but like most, was duped into thinking it was our four boys – the team – creating magic once again ! As is documented the drums on all of the album’s tracks, except ‘Into The Void’ were laid down by a session man named Kevin Valentine. Some team ! Nowadays I nearly gag when

no place for hiding with this ghastly seat cover

hearing songs like ‘We Are One’ or the god-awful and syrupy ‘I Finally Found My Way To You ?’ How’s about that sickening lyric Simmons wrote in the tune ‘You Wanted The Best’ which states ‘the fans wanted us to play we hear and we obey’. Did anyone buy this horse shit ? The ‘fans’ had in fact been crying out for a full make-up re-union for many years, and in fact it was the massive popularity of the fan ran conventions, strongly attended and held throughout the world in the late 80’s and early 90’s (which Simmons would’ve duly noted), and which led him into organising ‘official’ Kiss conventions ! One of which (in L.A) saw them extend their hands out to Peter Criss, which of course led to the Unplugged album – which led to the big 1996 re-union. By the way, Australian fans were yelling loudly for a tour for fifteen years, but were not heard. No ‘obeying’ there from big Gene.

…when the boys really were back in town

On 5th April, 1997 at the Columbus Civic Center, something significant occurred when drum tech Ed Kanon filled in for an injured Peter Criss (in make-up) who was unable to perform. Why not just cancel the show ? It is a business. The show must go on right ! Are these types of decisions made with the fans in mind ? Yeah right.
In 2003 Kiss did a ‘co-headlining’ tour with the great Aerosmith. You can call it a co-headline tour all you wish, but history will show that Kiss hit the stage first and were technically the opening act. Kiss had not opened for any band for years – but this was indicative of their sliding popularity at that stage. Also on that tour, Aerosmith’s Joe Perry appeared on-stage with the band and jammed on ‘Strutter’. Don’t get me wrong, Perry is way cool, but him jumping on stage on more than one occasion (decked out in a pair of Stanley’s boots no less) is at odds with the band’s past. Ask any former 70’s Kiss roadie – that stage was theirs and theirs only. It was sacred ground. Go jam with Perry in a club after the show – fine. But the Kiss stage ? and wearing Paul’s boots cheapens the thing like some shabby Halloween stunt. Hell, why not sport a black wig as well !

Unbelievably, when Stanley experienced heart problems before that Californian gig in 2007, instead of respectfully cancelling the show, Simmons decided they should perform as a trio and turned the show into ‘a tribute to his ailing band mate.’ P-lease. A Kiss show without Paul Stanley – can you believe it !? This would have caused an uproar at one stage. Fans today are very forgiving. If you need evidence that Kiss could indeed carry on without Stanley and Simmons I advise you to track this particular live show down and give it a listen. If I had’ve been attending that Friday 27th July show at the Soboba Casino Arena I would’ve demanded my money back. Simmons – now in the unfamiliar role of band leader, sounds out of his depth and almost ill at ease with the situation. He lacks any stage charisma, is clearly uncomfortable and his song intros and ‘stage raps’ were short and awkward. He even drags five girls and five guys up on stage to assist with Christine Sixteen ! What a farce. Again, just cancel the freaking show ? If anything, this performance was a clear indication that the two new guys actually carried the whole thing off with a minimum of fuss. A sign of things to come maybe ?

Actually what is the Kiss ‘live experience’ like in recent times ? Well apart from Thayer and Singer, very little has changed since the 1996 re-union shows . They still intro with The Who’s ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again’. Simmons gets raised to the roof, the Spaceman, err I mean Ace, err I mean Tommy shoots a rocket and damages the lighting truss, Stanley still flies out over the audience. Year check anyone ? What about the set-list ? Many of the tired old classics remain. Sadly, Kiss are in a no-win situation with song selections these days – attempting to please the part time fans as well as the lifers. This is a challenge though when the majority of your audience (the aforementioned part timers) pay to hear ‘Love Gun’, Shout It Out Loud’ and ‘Rock and Roll All Nite’. They must be catered for. To look after the die-hards, Kiss have in recent years cranked out obscurities like ‘All The Way’ and ‘Love Her All I Can’ which were met with unknowing shrugs, followed by the sound of shuffling feet as Joe Average headed for the bar. Speaks volumes about the Kiss of today doesn’t it. Quite honestly, some tunes in the Kiss back-catalogue have not aged well. I know of several Kiss fans who’ve complained of boredom at recent shows. Read through the forums ran by Kiss fans and you’ll find many like-minded concert-goers.

Retire Now before it becomes a Tribute Band

We cannot go back in time, yet here’s a couple of scenarios of what I believe should’ve happened but did not:

(One) The original band do a run of farewell shows in late 2001 at Madison Square Garden. Why not show up at one of the early 1973 live venues with a film crew in tow and do a show unannounced ! What a missed opportunity ! Bringing down the curtain at the Garden would’ve been stylish and classy. Bowing out with heads held high. Then in 2002 let the Kiss machine roll on, but revert back to the unmasked Kulick and Singer line-up.

(Two) Do the MSG thing (see above) and continue on with the Kiss make-up announcing to the world the departures of the Catman and Spaceman. Give new identities to the two replacements – Singer and Thayer. Sounds pretty simple to me. Die-hard fans would’ve gone nuts grabbing merch featuring the new characters !

The time is right to call it a day. After this ‘Monster’ tour let sanity prevail and give us four great decades to look back on. Has it all reached the point of embarrassment you ask ? Is it now a parody ? Yes and yes. As previously stated, this band are now far removed from the Kiss I knew and loved. I cannot recognize who they are and what they represent any more. Many others feel the same. Kiss are now at risk of becoming ‘the heavyweight boxer’ – you know, the one who keeps coming back and cannot let go of the glory days. Let’s remember the halcyon days folks and not the discomforting knock out. There is no point in continuing the band forward – not with two aging members (bear in mind Singer and Thayer have also hit 50) and not with a bunch of new musicians filling the roles. Sounds unbelievable ? Maybe not. Paul Stanley has previously hinted that this is indeed possible stating “I really, firmly believe there will come a time when the band will continue without me”. If you are a Kiss fanatic reading this, is this what you want to see and experience ? I mean really ? Is this the future of Kiss ? Stanley also stated “I believe Kiss is founded on something so solid that it will continue to live on, the way a football team continues. There have been great players, but there will always be other players.” Is this how Kiss will end up ? Nothing more than hotshot players filling the roles of each member. It is a huge gamble and one which I think would ultimately fail. Anyone remember the Led Zeppelin of modern times. Why would you ? It’s ironic that these guys – (who Kiss looked up to) re-united once or twice and were a pale shadow of their former selves. Rock fans wishing to remember Zep do not instantly consider their weak performances in the late 80’s – and of course prefer to hark back to the glory days. There is a message in here for Kiss. Yet Kiss are unlike any other band. Anyone can, maybe will – play the roles of those four iconic characters.

It saddens me to see what Kiss have become. Rather than this being a bitter rant from a formed devoted fan, it is a plea to Simmons and Stanley to cease tarnishing the image and lasting legacy of the band. Over the past two decades Kiss have inspired many tribute acts the world over – musicians who nightly pay homage to this legendary American rock n roll band. The sad irony is that with two impostors now in the ranks, and the real possibility of others to follow – they eventually may become the biggest Kiss tribute band of them all…..